Turbo Fire

so insanity's 60 days have come and gone. i'm very proud of myself. =)

keeping up with insanity took a toll on my knees. even with the proper form; i was still quite heavy for my own body. it is such a high impact workout, joints have to be taken care of. with the suggestion of my friends, i am taking glucosamine/chondroitin supplements daily. i already take multivitamins and other supplements to boost my metabolism. i've also been much smarter with my food choices. i have this love for flax seed oil.. it adds a slight nutty flavor to my post workout chocolate egg white protein + wheat grass + green superfood concoction. ^__^

well, as for the actual results of the last 63 days: i lost 6lbs because i've gained muscle in places that used to be saggy. sTRONGER!!! i'm more toned/defined. i went down about 2 sizes. which i love, but also hate because the clothes i got over the summer, are now falling off. this ultimately means SHOPPING!!! YAY.. i've also become more cautious about the foods i eat. living a much healthier lifestyle compared to the years of damage i've done to my own body.. i couldn't believe i've been doing that to myself. i have much more energy. OH enDORPHINs.. HAHAHA.

sooo now, since i'm not satisfied with the amount of weight i loss, i will continue working out. since insanity is too much for my joints. mind you, i was crying on day 50 because it was that painful.. i thought i seriously damaged my knees. now i have crepitus. they creak! that has never happened before. sooo.. i looked up other programs.. obviously i'm not a gym person. i went through that as a child, and i only ended up quite self conscious. soo no to the gym. i checked out the beachbody site and that's where i found Turbo Fire !!! oOOoO.. i read the reviews comparing it with insanity and p90x. this is more cardio, choreographed and a much better soundtrack!!! this will definitely keep me going..

after finishing insanity 5 days ago, i took a break. and i just started Day 1.. turbo = speed. i had a hard time keeping up with the moves. i felt like my body wasnt responding as fast. AhH.. after those 30minutes.. my core was feeling that burn.. SOO GOOD.. then a 10min stretch followed. considering i worked the night before, i passed out right after. woke up.. arms, quads, abs, obliques WOW.. i'm excited to start this 120 day journey.. maybe i should start blogging this.. this way i can keep track of the work out and the foods i ate.. i should def start calorie counting.

Day 1: EZ Fire 30 and Stretch 10

Bfast / Post Workout: 16oz of fat free lactaid + scoop of egg white protein + wheat grass + amazing superfood + a squeeze of flax seed oil

Passed out..

Lunch: STARVING = grilled burger w/ am. white cheddar + lettuce + tomato + white bread bun + extra patty w/o trimmings. 4 pieces of watermelon. half of a sweet corn...

most likely i'll go back to sleep since i have work later tonight.. HAHA..

Dinner will most likely consist of a bowl of cheerios + fat free lactaid + squeeze of flax seed oil

work.. run around like crazy.. usually no meal/break.. hahaha..

come home tomorrow morning.. and off to day 2 of turbo fire..

Pre insanity: after graduating from college 2yrs ago, and have been stagnant with weight fluctuating up/down









sooo.. here's my insanity post pix..

hunnie, just do you.

(in a jersey accent of some sort) "hunnie, just do you!"

i think that was probably one of the best pieces of advices i've ever got from an ateh. it's one of those things only an ateh (older sister) can give. i am thankful. grateful, without a doubt. when i can sleep soundly at night, not focusing of what ifs, could've, should'ves.. that's a major improvement.. HAHAHA.. i finally got my 8hrs of sleep!!! oMG.


There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love - 1 John 4:18

insanity might have had something to do with it. lol. who knows. i'm already crazy for starting it and committing to it. so what else do i have to lose?? More pounds! HAHAHA jk jk .. ^__^ Day 17 and going. woOSh. I feel better, clothes fit better. I'm probably gaining muscle since my weight did go up from the initial -8lbs that i lost. well, weight doesn't matter, since my clothes fit better and i have a better endurance now. i didn't die the last time i played tennis. form was good, and I was actually able to hit especially since i havent picked up a racquet in over a year. for a person that couldn't hold the quadriceps stretch without toppling over, i can now safely hold my right foot back!! ^__^

picking my battles. letting things go. i'm more relaxed. calm. i'm not freaking out as much as i used to. i can't help but smile more often. a huge weight has been lifted!!


Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.
-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

thank you, ateh. thank you. <3

^_________________________________________________________^

Letting Go.

the funny thing about mental health / psych nursing class is that we're suppose to recognize these things in our patients, however, the first step is to be aware of one's self. when i found myself reacting to the topics, i realized i had a lot of growing up to do. countertransference. watch out for that one. i was definitely caught off guard.

as a person who grew up with always having a plan: syllabi, itineraries, outlines, backups.. there are a lot of things I cannot control, but I'd like to be prepared. Even with trying to expect the possible outcomes, there's always that curve ball life throws at you. as i struggled to read through the pages of my psych book, i looked within myself and my past interactions. what did i do? why? how? did i miss out on a lot of opportunities? what did i say? did it match with what my face and body were trying to say? some ppl can read me. it definitely affects our relationship with everyone..

i just have to learn to let things go. some things i can never change. dwelling in it will destroy the balance. there's also the art of timing. there's a time and place for everything. come back to it some other time in hopes for a resolution. do things ever end? no not really. it keeps going. the decisions we make now, will affect what happens next. the ripple effect, right? i could be wrong, just a speculation.

i am learning to let go. react when i have to. pick my battles. my mental professor told me that i worry too much.. i shouldn't stress out so much. i took his advice and here i am. my neurologist thanks him. my neurologist told me i should go out, and not limit myself so much. HAHAHA. -=sigh=-

Consider your own life—how many times a day does some situation pop up that leads to moments of frustration and anxiety? Surrendering your head to your heart in those moments will lead you to balance and fulfillment. As you listen to your spirit, peace follows. So follow your spirit. Build your foundation in your heart. Love must be your innermost and spontaneous response towards every person you encounter. Say to yourself inside, "I just love." Use these words as a key to start the engine running in your heart and watch life brighten with new love and understanding. Surrender to your new awareness and let love unfold the purpose of creation to you. - Sara Paddison, Hidden Power of the Heart

loving people is what i do. and that involves a give and take. compromises. listening and surrendering. it's how we grow as humans. eventually we will reach the top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: self-actualization. everything will be alright. it does not mean i'm gonna stop caring, it just means i'll learn to back off and let you be. you have your own path, your own life. our paths will cross, and we'll see from there. right now, i'll just enjoy the moment and savor it. who knows what will happen next.. i sure don't; do you?

True love doesn't have a happy ending because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you. - Anonymous

Heads Up.. Finding Preceptors

soo heads up to all NP students, just so you know, since I wasn't aware of this until recently, we have to arrange our preceptors by ourselves. The school doesn't set it up for you like when we were in nursing school/undergrad. We must go search for a NP or physician willing to train us.. hahaha.. they are out there. It's just a matter of finding one that's free, since there are other students asking for them...

start asking your advisors how your program works, and what are the acceptable types of preceptors for your specific program.

for example. I'm allowed to arrange my clinicals in my place of work as long as it's not the floor I currently work in. It's almost like a mini-interview for internships and selling yourself. Start searching early.. i'm allowed to ask NPs and physicians.. I will work my way up to physicians as soon as I am comfortable enough with conducting a thorough H&P and presenting a diagnosis..

start networking, getting ur name out there.. i start my practicum in the fall of 2010, but i started now... and then searching will start all over again in the summer for spring 2011, etc..

check out VA clinics, urgent care centers, etc.. if they don't have a position, ask them if they have another institution that they would recommend.. don't give up..

aight that's it for now.. back to working on my case study, email me for questions.. good luck to everyone ^__^

things to do over the summer before clinical rotations:

BLS recert
ACLS initial
Master Clinical Skills & Physical Diagnoses --> be comfortable with H&P
review medications, labs, etc
STUDY !!!

spend time with my loved ones.. ^___^

anger.

i haven't been this angry for a LONG time. just shows how much hatred i've managed to suppress in order to function.

wow.

i need to regain my composure and focus on my studies.


definitely downsizing....

2nd semester of grad schooL..

so i'm a bit frazzled. taking 3 grad courses was a bit much. but i had to do this so i can have a summer to focus on the one class i'm dreading. CSPD. clinical skills & physical diagnosis. lecture online and labs. while i was searching for information regarding preceptors for the upcoming fall, the list came up of courses that i might need clinicals for this class too. i have to speak to my advisor and clarify this whole clinical rotations thing. i need to find a preceptor who's willing to guide me... i hope. HAHA. i'm nervous.

i also need to renew my BLS by this summer. and hopefully finally take my ACLS. i'm so behind. sigh. this is why 3 grad courses was necessary this semester. LOL. summer 2010 will be nuts. fall 2010 will be even crazier.

as long as i pass with a B, i think i'll take it. this is something that i have to accept. i'll try my best, but as of now, i have other priorities. mental health in primary care is actually coinciding with my beliefs. i was tearing when i heard my professor talk about trust and relationships. not just with clients, but as a good person. we constantly work on it. communication. honesty. love. what keeps a person? what motivates them? what happens when they lose that some "thing" that keeps them going?

i snickered. the days before this very lecture were intense. hahaha. i found my motivation. it was a lot of staring into a wall and self-reflection, but it was a "eureka, i found it!" moment. i realized a lot of things about myself. i was surprised.

to find a balance between life and grad schooL. yup.

there is an ultimate goaL. achieved through perseverance.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 NIV

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Eccl 4:9-12 NIV

baby steps...

Everything will be ok ...
... If it's alright with you, then it's alright with me ...
Baby let's take this time, let's make new memories.....

yeS. aGReeD.